ideas

David Sedaris IS funny

I've never really been a fan of David Sedaris' books... somehow, they always fell a little flat for me. And, now I know why - I was missing the voice that he imbues in his stories. His quirky timing and incredulous tones may not come through on the written page, but, speaking, he has brought me to tears laughing. Count me a fan - especially of last week's This American Life.  Already one of my favorite programs ever - they completely outdid themselves with tales of Apology, including an unforgettable opening story by Sedaris.

Here's a little taste:

My sister's the type who religiously watches the fear segments of her local eye witness news broadcasts, retaining nothing but the headline.

She remembers that applesauce can kill you, but forgets that in order to die you have to inject it directly into your bloodstream.

Announcements that cell phone conversations may be picked up by strangers mixed with the reported rise of both home burgularies and brain tumors, meaning that as far as she's concerned, all telecommunication is life threatening.

If you're not laughing - and especially if you are - you must, must go listen:

The Sedaris story is first, followed by a really amazing archive piece on The Apology Project. Apparently, from 1980 until his untimely death in 1995, Allan Bridge operated a phone number where people could call in and anonymously apologize (think Confession for a nation not so into penance). The few clips they ran on the show were very interesting - everything from hurting someone's feelings to unintentionally killing a sibling. Apparently there are hours of tapes available from the line - a frightening opportunity for a little emotional voyeurism.

Listen to the show.

Releasing Our Colin

A hearty congratulations to Mr. Powell. He made the best of a rough situation and is now off to a life more closely aligned with his personal ethics.  I can't imagine the restraint required to hang in as long as he did...

UPI story (or take your pick of the 1,000+ hitting Google News since 10 am ... wonder how many of those were written on election day?)

Medicated is the New Happy

A couple of mini movie reviews from my recently misspent free time... Before you read this, I should likely remind all that I have a frighteningly low pop culture IQ and tend not to know who "anyone IS" or "what else THEY've done."

 Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason

Every woman who has felt awkward or otherwise out-of-place, well, just about anywhere, likely has a soft spot for Miss Jones. But as charming as her catastrophic good intentions might be, it's a bit difficult to concentrate on a movie starring the Incredible Changing Woman. A lovely skeleton in Chicago*, Renée Zellweger has plumped back to her Bridget weight, leaving some room for mind wandering ... like, do you think she's a little embarrassed to be making out with the very sexy, exquisitely groomed Hugh Grant in her unusually round shape? Hmmm.

Perhaps I should move on. The movie was very over-the-top and as fun as the first. I laughed out loud and teared up, all the makings of a romantic comedy.

The improbable travel (think, Brady Bunch go to Hawaii) lent a little extra kitsch to "Daniel Cleaver's" (Hugh Grant) come ons, but Bridget's scornful retorts grounded even the most outlandish side trips. And, who could resist another clumsy fight between Bridget's suitors or her own sucking and wiggling to look fabulous in a dreamy dress.

Oh, and, I imagine J must have felt quite vindicated by the redeeming role of pop culture trivia in a scene featuring the VERY serious vs. the wild and free Jones.

Overall, recommended. And, I was surprised and please to learn THAT is who Colin Firth IS.

Web site

*ok, so I just saw the trailer, but STILL.

 

The Stepford Wives

On the small screen, I finally got to see The Stepford Wives. I snagged the yellowed-paperback from my parents’ bookshelf growing up and have always loved the idea of the story.

Nicole Kidman plays a very updated Joanna Eberhart, the center of a circle of three yet-to-be-altered "wives" (one of the “wives” is Roger Bart playing Roger Bannister, the effeminate partner of one of the town's "husbands"). The three “real women” pal about with wonderfully acidic commentary and, of course, the pro forma comparisons of what Rx they rely on to approximate the happiness of their more-zombied neighbors.

Paul Rudnick (screenwriter) truly made this story his own with an absolutely charming role played by Bette Midler and a few fantastic twists that make the motivations so very, very 2004. Even the mousy, geeky husbands are somewhat palatable because of the charisma of their group leader, Christopher Walken (playing Mike Wellington).

One fabulous line I loved from the puppet master toward the end of the movie, "I asked myself, "Where would no one notice a town full of robots? Connecticut, of course."

Completely recommended - and this from a woman who generally does not like book > movie adaptations. 

Web site

Columbus' Own Tuba-Bicycle Guy

I've seen this friendly-looking Tuba-bike guy about Columbus a few times. He just peddles along like he's not lugging a giant brass instrument in his pack. I heard that he was down playing mournful songs outside the Kerry-Edwards High Street campaign HQ during Saturday's Gallery Hop. Mournful tuba solos. THAT would have been interesting.

Anyway, I finally caught a picture of him yesterday at the Veterans Day Parade...

Today, I'm off to apply for temp work; so, I should be in a miserable mood upon returning. Get ready for the roller coaster of job seeker posts. Next week, I have an interview Monday morning at an agency; a Tuesday meeting about a big freelance project and a (time-tbd) second interview at J.P. Morgan Chase. Here's hoping I can round up something a little more than that if I have any hope of delivering on holiday wishes.

Today's physical symptoms of stress: headache, muscle pain in neck, tendency to lean into the computer screen like it’s the last play in a tied Super Bowl.

Columbus Veterans Day Parade (um, no, not ON Veterans Day)

Ah! Columbus is being invaded!

No, wait, it's just another random holiday parade on the wrong day.

 

         

Say you just moved to Ohio (uh, yeah, I'll bet the new citizen and tourism boards are doing a brisk business post-election) and you want to explore your  new city. How do you appear "in the know" at the City's parades?

Top 5 Things to Expect at a Columbus Parade

1-Infinitely more people will be riding in cars than walking. At first, you may be unsure if you're watching a parade or a really friendly rush hour. Just wave back either way, there’s a good chance they’ll throw candy (or at least a Tic Tac)

2-Any car is a parade car. Random minivans, sedans, huge assault vehicles, it doesn't matter. And, they don't need decorations or signage. If you need to get somewhere on a closed parade street, it won't be too hard to blend in if you're wiling to slide along at about 5 MPH

3-Not all bands / units / cars are the same. Columbus parades are generally over an hour long and there's not much in the way of a screening process. Some of the military units looks like the crisp brigades you see on television, others can't keep step even with someone screaming left....left....left, right, left. There are huge disparities in high school bands, too. One will look like it could take on a college band with huge choreographed routines and great music, the next will be wearing mismatched uniforms and playing painfully off key behind a single, mammoth baton twirler in shiny spandex.

4-Group your holidays. Santa Claus is in the Veterans Day parade and that's just the way it is. Hey, sometimes, Veterans ride his reindeer - so, it's all good.

5-Plan an office outing. Parades can come out of nowhere, often without any real advertisement or word of mouth. They're often on weekdays before a holiday - so, the, uh, parade audience, is generally a slew of dazed worker bees who came down to the sidewalk when the bass drums and car beeping started to interfere with their regularly scheduled workdays.

And, it is true everywhere that sometimes high school girls (in cheerleading, pep squad or majorettes) will do things that will make you blush, even the ones in Red State Values Country. Message to those girls – you’re 15, stop doing that with your pelvis. Save it for college, you little tart!

Selling ME (or, Resume of a Columbus, OH communications professional)

I've always wondered why resumes are such cold, rigidly structured documents. Afterall, most jobs and opportunities are just part of the larger story of a person's rich, eclectic life.

Most of you know that I'm looking for a new position. If you know me well enough to refer me to your contacts and colleagues, I'll empower you with something more than a resume. In fact, I will give you the book jacket of my career so far...

In her career so far, Leigh Householder has distinguished herself by consistently over delivering on expectations and completing project after project on time, on budget and on target. Her strong writing voice and creative flair have contributed to the success of many ventures.

Leigh's eclectic background comes together in a rich set of communication skills that include marketing strategy, writing, design, project management and public speaking.

In 1995, Leigh started her career as a Special Projects Manager at Wackenhut National Research Center (now owned by Group4). Bringing an entrepreneurial spirit to the task, she improved efficiencies in several departments, built the company's first Web site, and facilitated key projects for new accounts.

In 1999, Leigh moved to Chicago and was offered a position with MSI Strategic Communications. At the boutique agency, Leigh took key roles in business, change management and creative delivery. When the agency was purchased by the Citigate / Incepta family, she moved into a leadership position in the Creative department and significantly increased retained income for the practice. Clients commented on the excellent service and work they received on Leigh's accounts. One client even took her out to lunch when she announced her departure.

In 2003, Leigh moved to Columbus with her husband, Jim, who is pursuing a Ph.D. at The Ohio State University. Leigh joined a small start-up called Monster Interactive in the Fall of 2003 as the Director of Marketing. She was quickly promoted to V.P. in recognition of her successes in generating a positive market response to the company's new product. Sadly, product development delays led to significant layoffs this Fall.

Leigh is now looking for a positive new opportunity. An ideal communications generalist in a small business, Leigh is also looking at more tailored positions in writing or marketing at larger corporations.

Read what other's say about Leigh:

"It literally took four people to replace her."
Mark Smedley, Area Manager, Wackenhut National Research Center

"...my best hiring decision ever!"
Barbara Silk, Sr. Vice President, Citigate Communications

"They will need at least three new people when they realize
what they've lost in her."
Matt Malone, Director of Client Services, Monster Interactive

Ok, I have to admit, that was pretty fun to write. And, here's my resume if you can't quite commit all this to memory :o) 

My dream job right now is Communications Manager at J.P. Morgan Chase - managing a team of writers and traveling around the country to do articles and interviews of my own. I am practically sitting on the phone hoping that it rings... (that, by the way - not the most productive strategy). Of course, since they are considering internal candidates, that's about as promising as the lottery anyway - so, help me! help me!

Thanks, all! (Very sappy post coming soon about all the people who have helped me so far!)

Soldiers on both sides

Falluja, Iraq

--Although the U.S. military has remained on message (less resistance than expected, few casualties), I have to wonder what life is really like in Falluja today. Home to rebel soldiers from around the globe, all angry and fighting alternately for their way of life, their beloved countries and their homes and families... A scary place to be sure.

International Herald Tribune

But heavy street clashes were raging in the northern sectors of Falluja amid fierce bursts of gunfire, residents said. At least two American tanks were engulfed in flames, witnesses said. There was no confirmation of casualties.

Most of the 6,500 U.S. troops and 2,000 Iraqi soldiers went over the embankment at six separate points, military officials said, aiming to clear the city of insurgents one house at a time and eventually take several large public buildings in the heart of the city.

The drive into Falluja's downtown came after the interim Iraqi prime minister, Ayad Allawi, gave formal authority to the U.S.-led troops to launch the assault. U.S. and Iraqi officials have said elections planned for the end of January would be imperiled if Falluja and other cities in the Sunni Muslim heartland remained in the hands of the rebels.

The invasion is a calculated risk by the Americans, who had to withdraw during a previous fight for the city in April after unconfirmed reports of heavy civilian casualties sparked outrage among both Sunni and Shiite Iraqis. But they and the Iraqis say they have no choice but to try again to reclaim the city, which has been controlled by the insurgents since early May.

My thoughts and, perhaps prayers (? yes, I think, prayers) are with the soldiers on both sides today. 

Canned

I was laid off on Friday.

Back in my first few years in Chicago, the tech bust snatched the jobs of many of my friends. Every party we went to from 1999-2001 had at least one person who had just been laid off that day, that week. And, still, through all those stories, this remains one of the most unbelievably heartless:

First, a little background. I work(ed) for a technology company with one existing email product and another in the works. The product in the works is the money-maker, the other is just bridging the gap. Through a year of mesmerizingly disastrous mismanagement, the development side of the house managed to lose two early adopter clients and slaughter the BETA servers just as new leads were getting near the purchase point.

On the marketing and sales side, we made deep forays into huge enterprises – many decision-makers at these companies loved the idea of the product. Unfortunately, they couldn’t use it b/c the development side has a rolling-outage going that’s just topping the month-point now…

Skip ahead… Last Thursday, our management team said good bye to a consultant who had been of significant help to us. To save money on a big restaurant bill, I offered to make dinner. All came to my house. All knew that they were taking away my family’s only reliable source of income the next day. They sat around the table, ate the food I’d spent hours preparing and took advantage of my hospitality knowing that they would be laying me off the next day.

Wait, it gets more unbelievable.

Next day, we’re in the office and the president announces that she wants the development guy and I to meet about future plans. So, she orchestrates a little coffee break at a local shop where I know, well, most of the people there. THAT is where they tell me that they’re laying me off. But, they say it like this: We’ve decided that we need to cut expenses, “that means no more paychecks for you.” She says this so guilelessly that you really have to believe that she didn’t think that meant “no more work.” And, in fact, she spent a significant amount of time trying to convince me to work for free. Or, they say “for equity.” Which, empirically, they have taken away from others on a whim – making it not the best investment strategy I’ve ever heard of…

Working at a start-up is a pretty unstable choice. So, to make it possible for me to work comfortably, my boss had long promised 4 – 6 weeks notice if paying my salary became impossible. You guessed it – a lie. I get two weeks notice. So, I’m off to the office here shortly to continue to teach other people how to do my job that they just took away from me … it is, insane. The (commissioned) sales director told me yesterday that it would take three people to replace me when they realize what a mistake they’ve made. I appreciate the flattery, but, truly recognize what a hill they’ll have to climb with no one in marketing to lead the sales and positioning effort.

This may sound bitter to read, but truly I am just shocked and disappointed that people I gave so much time and effort to could treat me so heartlessly. That, I suppose, is why the phrase "it's just business" was coined in the first place.

I was actually planning on keeping this to myself. In part because I’m embarrassed by it and in part because I know there are a few people who read this blog that take some rather unseemly pleasure (glee?) at any misfortune that might befall me…

Still, even as I am nearly panicking over the implications here, I realize that this was far, far from my fault. And, as for those who might giggle devilishly about this, I try to remember the words of the very affable Mary Scmich, “The race is long and, in the end, it's only with yourself.”

I will write more on this later … perhaps you, my loyal readers, can help me with a smidge of networking. Meanwhile I am scared and optimistic. This is a horrible time of year to be looking for a new job and marketing is a very tough field; still, I have a lot to offer and already some of my collegues have been a tremendous help. I am looking forward to being part of a new team and trying again...

(I’m jobless in Ohio. Yes, I voted for Kerry.)

Rednecks for a Better America

I will forever love the politics of the Midwest. Rounding the last corner in the daily commute (from Neil Avenue to Long Street) today, I came across a shiny, new billboard indicting Bush's fiscal policy. Same-old-Same-old, right? EXCEPT this billboard was sponsored by Rednecks for a Better America. That, apparently, is the stuff of leftist politics in the Midwest.

To borrow a phrase from Miss Mary Balice - love it!

If you know anyone in this budding organization, please offer my services for designing or writing the remainder of their site.  I would happily do the work pro bono just to have that name on my resume for years to come!

UPDATE 11.21.04: Turns out these guys are just another moneyed 527 - out of Los Angeles, no less. Hmmm, that makes the name seems much less humorous and much more condescending.  Although I still find the billboards very clever, I am disappointed...

New Standard of Success

Old Standard of Success: Good title, private office
New Standard of Success: Salary that buys you free time (i.e. just one job)

Thanks, Garry.