Resumes are such lousy, incomplete documents. Full of action verbs and bottom-line pronouncements highlighting documented successes. They glaze right over the important stuff – like, when was the last time you broke down in the bathroom because your boss yelled at you and have you survived enough layoffs and fiscal uncertainty to ride out the rough spots or will you completely shut down at the first hint of change? Sure, your manager loved you – but what about the guy at the desk next to you?
Should you have the opportunity to interview your future officemates, remember that you’ll spend more time with them each week than with your sweetie, or, even, your (gasp) television. Interview them like the aggrieved roommate you really are:
- How many days / week will you make our shared bathroom stink to the point of inspiring uncontrollable gagging? Are you willing to change your diet to bring that number down?
- What kind of crap will you layer your desk with? Just a few harmless family snaps and a comic or two? Or, are we talking full-out pet montage, mardi gras beads from the local bar and a zoo of beanie babies?
- Will you be microwaving elaborate meals that will make concentration impossible? (of course, you do realize, that microwave popcorn is completely unacceptable?)
- Do you understand the concept of vacation time? Will you make me feel guilty if I do?
- How often are you in a raging bad mood that makes you impossible to work with? How often are you so hungover that I cannot count on you for anything?
- I don’t want to invade your privacy; so, I’ll just ask, do you think it’s appropriate for people with stinky feet to de-shoe at the office?
- How sticky is your keyboard? How screwed up is your mouse?
- When you break the copier / empty the stapler / use the last of the printer paper, do you fill it /fix it or just pretend not to notice?
- Do you gossip? Is it good? Would it ever be about me?
- How loud is your phone voice? Do you have any internal volume control?
- Laugh for me. No really, I want to hear it. Cackle, squeak, guffaw – what are we working with here?
- If you do listen to others’ phone conversations, will you solemnly swear not to “continue the conversation” like we were talking to you?
- How many things will you ask me to donate to this month? Do you have children who sell things? Girl Scout cookies?
posted by Leigh Householder
Love the "do you think it’s appropriate for people with stinky feet to de-shoe at the office?
" question. I worked next to someone who was always taking her shoes off. Gag! The smell would make maggots sick. This is a great site!
Posted by: Tom | May 28, 2004 at 09:50 AM