Women: what to do when an agency offers you a job

Dear Readers: Thanks for your questions about why this post changed. Some readers in my local market read something into the illustrative case (now deleted) that simply was not there. I don't say that to insult them - once any of us thinks we know what someone really meant, right or wrong, it's hard to shake it. Nonetheless, I didn't feel the illustration was worth the controversy. So, I took it down. The take away from the data below is this: by not correctly gaging what we're worth and not negotiating salaries, women are more likely than men to depress their salaries over a lifetime. So, when we see the national statistics about women making an average of 76% of what men in the same jobs earn, there is a certain amount of behavioral culpability we have to take in changing that equation. The balance of the post is below:

Something to consider:

Men initiate negotiations about four times more often than women. The reason is simple: women are more likely (2.5x) to be uncomfortable negotiating. Many don't even know where to begin. In a recent study, when asked to pick metaphors for negotiations, men picked "winning a ballgame" and a "wrestling match," while women picked "going to the dentist."

The impact of our discomfort is ... in a word ... disastrous.

By not negotiating a first salary, women stands to lose more than $500,000 by age 60.

We often don't recognize what we're losing even in the moment. Women tend to be more grateful - to be happy to have received the job offer. One reason is we don't know our market value: women reported salary expectations between 3 and 32 percent lower than those of men for the same job. Men expect to earn 13 percent more during their first year of full-time work and 32 percent more at their career peak.

So, what to do?

• Build your value: Emphasize the benefits of your skills and experience in the interview
• Do your research: Know what you're worth in your market with your experience and find out what you can about how the agency rewards its employees
  
• Let the agency bring up salary first: Avoid being the first one to throw out a number and avoid filling out salary history questions
• Know what you want: Is it 10% more in salary? Is it an extra week of vacation? Be ready to ask for the compensation that you really desire
• Be quiet: When the new boss first makes an offer, nod as if you are considering it and keep quiet. Resist the natural urge to basically gush with effusive thanks
• Take the night to think about: Come back with a reasonable counter offer clearly stated
• Don't be emotional: Or take it personally. At this point, business is business

Comments

[Dan]

It's always jarring to read things like the statistics you gave about women's apprehension towards salary negotiation, and realize that you relate to it. And then realize that you are a man relating to the women's apprehension. While it may seem the struggle is between two or so teams, the confident men, the apprehensive women and the not so apprehensive women(the 25%), the reality is that there are those small few who fall behind these teams--the smaller underdog lost behind the dominant underling of women, who don't belong to any group. Where're our statistics and campaigns?

[Dabitch]

I negotiate. I bring up my salary. I add extra to what I want when asking for it so that if they cut it a little, I get the salary I really wanted. When hired in teams I ask and get exactly what my male partner gets and always have. I've always done this. I still make much less than other people on the same level. What am I doing wrong?

[daria]

great post! I like your constuctive approach and great advice. I hear so often here in denmark women just complaining they earn less than men but they don't take any action. You never get og achieve anything without doing something. Thanka for a clever and rationslly thinking female voice.

[Alison]

Good advice. Every single time I've received a raise or a promotion in my professional career, it's been because I've asked - and then backed up my request with a documented list of reasons and accomplishments. Sometimes, when funds are tight, it can take a year of patient, persistent lobbying - but the reward comes through eventually.

[dawn]

I am so in the dentist camp -- ugh. I'm adding this to my googlemarks to shore me up before next negotiations! (I freelance so it comes up way too much for my comfort!)

[caff]

Great words of wisdom! I've learned the hard way as well, no one is going to tell you what your worth is - you have to show it and sometimes demand it.

[Rachelle]

Such a valuable post - Thank you sharing. As they say, the squeaky wheel gets the grease. I had to learn that the hard way. :)