The Promenade
Walking at the speed of smell, she promenades slowly by, mocking the very idea of urgency with every sashay and meandering step. As the pushed-three-times, last-possible-second, drop-dead deadline approaches with mere seconds to spare, she wanders by with that final proof the ACD has been screaming for since noon, dangling from her manicured fingers.
Clock Watching
As if by some magical spell, he is gone at exactly 5:30 every day. The “end of work day” time listed as a guideline in the employee manual is the end of his commitment to the team, no matter how much work is piled up on the desk of the chump with an old-fashioned work ethic who will find herself still staring at the screen when the 10PM pizza delivery arrives.
His credo is “I’m not paid enough to work overtime.” And, while he will take advantage of the casual dress code, the occasional beer on a Friday afternoon and every ounce of personal time afforded him, the one thing he will not do is grace his desk a second after the horn blows and he goes soaring down the dinosaur’s tail to get home to Wilma and Dino.
Eh, Why NOT Start at 2AM?
Who knows what he does during the actual work day. What with the towering workload that could keep three creatives busy 10 hours a day and all the meetings, the managing of people and expectations, the requisite long lunches, who has time to work at the OFFICE? Not he, not he.
Instead, he flips on the TV around 11, brushes the Doritos crumbs off a stack of coffee-stained briefs and digs in. Never mind the misspellings, the unanswered questions, the missing images that production can “drop in” at another time. He needs to send these PDFs out by 2AM to avoid missing the morning deadline.
Meeting Napping
The AE stares dumbly at him as he actually starts snoring in a meeting. Snoring. His chin has long-since dropped to his chest and it was easy enough to ignore when he just stopped receiving the copy input at the workstart meeting, but now, as his drool splats on the brief, the entire group has turned to stare in awe of just how difficult it is to get fired from our under-staffed little family.
Chit Chat: Oh no, you don’t stop
Other employees try to sneak by her cube silently – slinking across the last few yards, some dropping to the floor in a military field crawl. Once she spies you, hours of your life can disappear to that sound of an “oh, girl!” The long, drawn-out details of her weekend; a story from a client at an former agency; a memory from childhood … they all crash down on your in waves of desperation. There is no wandering away, no hints – no matter how overt – she will follow you to a meeting, into the bathroom, out to your car. There is no escape.
Laughing-Out-Loud by Herself
Oh, I love that IM. *Cackle* Gosh, I’m funny. *Giggle*. Weeeeeeee, work is so darn fun when you’re not doing it! *Guffaw*
(Fine, I admit it. This one is me.)
Slouching, AKA: Puppy Dog Eyes
She slinks up to your office door looking like a kicked dog. Before a word even comes out of her mouth, she communicates failure, misery and vulnerability. By the time she speaks, you’ve already begun to feel hostility. If the agency were really a high school (instead of the grown-up, gossipy equivalent), this girl would get a swirly.
The Sigh
“Hey, when can we get together about a new project for The Client?”
“**SIGH**”
“Busy week?”
“Yes, I have more things to do than your little mind could possibly imagine. There’s this and that and this and seven of these.”
“How about Monday then?”
“**SIGH** I am wildly inconvenienced by your request that I actually work on the clients I am assigned to. Can’t you see that I’m a curmudgeon who finds all human interaction to be aggravating? And, you’re just an AE. Why would you even presume to talk to me, Sr Creative Guy? Go back to your little desk. I need coffee.”
Can You Hear Me Now?
I AM SO SMART. MY IDEAS ARE FANTASTIC. I’M TALKING AT THIS VOLUME SO THAT EVERYONE CAN BASK IN MY BRILLIANCE.
The very best moments for The Bullhorn are when he stops listening to himself in meetings and strange strings of words start to babble forth. The question, my friends, is yes.
The Sycophant Approach to New Business
“I have an idea. What if the entire new business team parachuted in to the pitch to show how we’re like the green berets of advertising – we go in and do the tough jobs. And, then, we can personally cook them a huge steak dinner and give them all gift certificates to the Mercedes dealership”
Agency: *sigh*
in boston it's the same.
pretty comical this whole advertising thing...
lh - cool site and great writing. hand in the a/e name tag and pull up your copywriting sleeves.
Posted by: shawn | October 02, 2006 at 05:58 PM
Please feel free to commit suicide.
Posted by: Liam | August 13, 2006 at 11:25 PM
Meeting napping -- I can totally identify there! Especially with how hard it is to get fired from some places..
Posted by: Dustin Spicuzza | August 11, 2006 at 07:56 PM
my clients all work very hard...there is not a clock watcher on my client list.
www.geocities.com/nycat.geo/clientlist
Well over 80% resubscribe each year nad most expand their subscription. Why? They enjoy working with like minded people. I laughed a little when I read this post and I winced when I read some of the comments. No I have never worked with any of the miscreants mentioned. In my life, only in a bad movie are these weirdos found and I walk out if in the theatre or stop the dvd if at home. I have zero tolerance for less han 100%. 99.9% of all brands expect the moon and get it. The recent adsthatsuck.com, adrants.com "food fight" virals are way over the top to make any sense to me. Marketing people ask for referrals all thetime for creative and media buying agency contacts. Who do you suppose gets the call? The one that answers there phone at 5:40PM... orthe one with the voice mail that that is four days old? I agree with Ann H 100% if you encounter a negative person, one hat celebrates wird off topic conversation... stop them cold.."wait a minute, hold that thought, gotta go! seeya!" and over your shoulder, "nice talking with you". do this enough and even a donk will get the coded message. Do not bother me, I'm working.
Join our beta digital discussion and join in at will: http://groups.google.com/group/Digital-Advertising
you go girl!
Posted by: goose | August 04, 2006 at 01:56 PM
"Chit Chat: Oh no, you don’t stop..."
This person is in every agency...every office...every store. She's EVERYWHERE....period! Run, do not walk....
Posted by: Ann Handley | July 31, 2006 at 04:58 PM
how about "guy who talks in detail about his bowel movement". He's in every agency i'm sure.
Posted by: Matt | July 31, 2006 at 11:47 AM
LOl! I've met all of these guys! :D
Posted by: ivan | July 31, 2006 at 02:37 AM
"Weeeeeeee, work is so darn fun when you’re not doing it!"
LMAO!
Posted by: Mack Collier | July 27, 2006 at 11:48 PM
I've worked with every single one of these people:-)
Posted by: Steve Hall | July 27, 2006 at 07:58 PM
How dare you sir. Some people suffer from Voice Immodulation Disorder.
Posted by: dr. octagon | July 27, 2006 at 03:43 PM
Wait - you forgot, "Person Adept At Finding Everyone Else's Flaws Who Thinks They're Saving The Agency with Their Diehard Work Ethic."
Posted by: Where's My Jetpack? | July 27, 2006 at 03:15 PM
*moahahaha* I used to work with one of those bullhorns, we treasured his random collection of wordstrings that happened at least once in every meeting. I wish I still had that little notebook, hours of entertainment.
Posted by: dabitch | July 27, 2006 at 01:42 PM
Stop spying on our office......
7 of 10 are here every day....
Posted by: Mike | July 27, 2006 at 01:40 PM